Holding On To You

Last month I went to a Twenty One Pilots concert with my boyfriend and one of his younger sisters. I didn’t take a lot of pictures and I’m sorry but listen. Lydia, that’s my boyfriend’s sister,  had the time of her life at this concert and even though I didn’t know 75% of the songs, I felt so much joy just watching her.

Driving home from school recently, I drove a different route than usual. It was raining and I took the way home that I always drove when I was in high school. It made me think about my senior year, where I dealt with crippling anxiety about the future and grappled with the fact that I would never and will never be as smart as my friends who are now in engineering school. I realized this: I don’t want to be an engineer. So it doesn’t matter if I’m not smart enough to be an engineer.

There were a few messages that were circulating online a lot when I was a teenager, with connotations that the only person you can trust in life is yourself and being lonely is somehow poetic and makes you a stronger person. It wasn’t until, in the past year, I met a lot of people that proved those wrong. People I can lean on and talk to any time of the day. People that will support me no matter what.

I guess I understand now that, while good art does come from loneliness, life is so much better when you have people to share it with. I know a lot of people at that Twenty One Pilots concert were people with depression, anxiety, and there might have even been people who decided not to go because they couldn’t find someone to tag along with them. But I swear to every heaven ever imagined, no one could ever feel lonely in a room with 30,000 people all screaming the lyric “And I’ll be holding on to you”.


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